


It's All Coming Back To Me Now

by RukiraX



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE (Band)
Genre: 8 years later, Abusive Relationship, Breakups, Fake Love, I'm making every things up, M/M, Regret, Underage Relationship, is it underage? idk, long lost relationship, lots of flashbacks, lover to enemy to friend to lover again, the facts about the band, the song or whatever is fake., this is not pedo lol both were young
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RukiraX/pseuds/RukiraX
Summary: Tooru had come with hard decision to leave his boyfriend for fame. Went with ‘Kyo’ as stage name, he meets him again with 6 years later. Everything had change a lot throughout the years, including his ex-lover. After several meetings and shared live, Kyo acknowledge that the other held a big secret regarding his career, and he wanted to find out.
Relationships: Kyo (Dir en grey)/Ruki (the GazettE), OC/Ruki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. 0. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Ola~  
> This is my first time writing Kyo/Ruki fics. I usually just read em lol. And I've grow to be addicted to this cute pair. and since there's not many fics about them, I decided to try writing my own.lol hope it goes well.  
> I decided to throw first chapter to see how it goes. if this go well, i'll continue. If it doesn't, I'll still continue hahahh ! xD but i might take longer time to finish if you guys didnt support me :'(
> 
> welp, english is my third (lol) language. Enjoy!

Kyoto City, 2000.

He stares at the blackened phone screen nervously, fidgeting while hoping that it would lighting up to reveal a name he’s been hoping for. His belongings by his side, ticket lies abandon beside him as he bites his own nail. Sometimes he would open the last conversation he had left, to see if there’s any replies that he didn’t realize.

“Hey! Tooru.” Snapped his head to the side, he stared at his best friend coming closer towards him. He flashes a soft smile as the other guy rests both his hands on his knees, catching some breath.

“We’re ready to go.”

He blinks for a while, thinking. Then slowly looks around, as if he’s searching for someone. Unable to find any familiar face, he turns towards the taller guy next to him. “… Can’t we... Like... Wait a few more minutes?” He asks softly. The beautiful guy sighed as he placed his palm onto the other’s shoulder.

“No. we can’t. We need to go now or we’ll be late”

“But I told him I’ll wait. What if he came and I already—

“Tooru.” The hold tightened. “… Let’s go”

The smaller guy remains silent as he stares at the other blankly. Slowly he stood as he picked his belongings and place it onto his shoulder, hesitantly following his friend’s steps. Sometimes he would turn around to find a familiar face he waiting for. But the other never came.

………………….

Tokyo City, 2007.

“Right now, let’s welcoming a new rising visual kei band, they had topped several charts and coming with new single this May, the GazettE!!”

A sound of applause echoes as the five young boys made their way through the hall. Bowing and smiles respectfully towards the crowd they say down properly on the chairs. The two emcees briefly describes the band before turns towards the five of them, giving them a moment to introduce themselves.

“Hi, I’m the vocalist, Ruki.”

“Hello... I’m the bassist Reita”

“On guitar, Aoi.”

“….. Ah, sorry. Uruha desu” Roars of laugh could be heard as he smiles shyly as Reita jabs his side and made a small bow.

“Hello, everyone! I’m Kai as the drummer and the leader of the band” Flashing his dimple and enthusiastic as always, the last member announced and the round of applause could be heard. Right after that tons of questions and answers exchanged.

……

“Look, a new band…” Kaoru pointed towards the television with his beer can, as the other 2 members turned their attention towards the sound of the interview. Die hops onto the couch next to the leader as he watches intently. “The GazettE? That’s sounds weird… in a good way tho” Die continues as Shinya flashes him a weird look. “Yeah, like our bands name any better. Dir En Grey, sure that sounds good until you discover what that’s mean” A far voice could be heard as Toshiya suddenly appears with Kyo, holding groceries bag. Die stared at that guy while grimacing. “At least we sounds cool.” He then smirks, but then tsk-ing when Shinya suddenly slaps him on the shoulder. “Quit it.” The quiet member finally spoke.

“So… lots of new band must have their own idol, or inspiration. Well, what about GazettE? Where did you guys get inspiration to start a band?” The interviewer asked as all of the five members in a deep thought. “Let’s start with Ruki?” She continues.

Kyo snapped his head towards the television as he heard the said name opened his mouth. His eyes widened in shock as he looks at the screen. As the camera zoom towards the younger boy’s face. The face that he recognize instantly as he heard the voice he recognize well 8 years ago. The face he had missed the most, and the face he never stopped loving. The same soft and sweet smiles fluster on the younger guy’s face as he speaks.

“Yeah… of course we do. For me, I’ve been listening a lot to X Japan…” The band that they used to listen together, “Luna Sea” The band that fate them to meet each other and instantly fell in love, “And…” He paused “Of course, Dir En Grey… Kyo-san is really great.” Kyo stare at the screen blankly. He said Dir En Grey. The guy had been listening to his band, and making them as an inspiration. Kyo’s lips suddenly carves into a small smile. So he still remembers him, that guy claims the only one he loved, his first and last love. Somehow that gives Kyo a little hope. He thought that the guy would never forgive him, for all the things he done that they separate only to pursue his career. Kyo had a very hard moment to think about the decision, which it was always be his dream to be big. But then Ruki came into his life. He was happy for almost two years when suddenly he have a chance to make his dream comes true, he had to come with a hard decision.

He was 23 and Ruki was only 18. It was very selfish of him if he asked Ruki to give up on his study just to follow him. Considering it was always the other’s dream to be a fashion designer. Which is why he asked Ruki to stay, continuing his study. He did asked the younger guy to wait for him, to trust him. But the smaller guy didn’t like that, and he had a little misunderstood with Kyo’s statement. But Kyo didn’t blame him, as he did say that maybe they need a little break. It was tough, but Kyo had to deal with the result. He did finally reach his dream, being big, famous and lots of money.

But he wasn’t happy. He had been faking, closed his heart for over 6 years when suddenly his ex-lover appeared right in front of his eyes. He even wait for the guy at the airport just to give the other guy last kiss the other would always love. But the guy never came, so he thought that was the end of it. But somehow after watching the other again ignites some spark of hope inside. He would love to meet the other again, to say how sorry he was and how he missed the small guy so fucking much.

“Oh look. They’re good looking. And got charts topping songs too. We should be proud, eh?” Toshiya pats Kyo’s shoulder before walking away to place the groceries bag onto the table. Die quickly made his way to get his drinks. Kyo follows right after that, eyes didn’t move away from the screen.

……………………

“That was awesome!” Aoi yelled as he stretched out. They’re finally done with the interview as they decided to hang around at the building café. “Ruki chan is sooo cute!” Aoi continues as he ruffles Ruki’s hair, sparking something on the others, as he swats away the other’s hand. “Don’t touch my fucking har!” He snapped. He used to do that. He loves to do that. It made him remembers everything. Aoi raises both of his hand onto the air.

“Wow! What’s wrong?” Ruki stares at the taller guy annoyed. “You are the fucking reason! Don’t touch my fucking hair! Asshole!” But then his eyes widened as he realize who he was talking to. Aoi’s face frowns as he scoffs then sip on his drinks. “Aoi, I’m sorry.” Ruki muttered. “Yeah... Yeah right” The taller guy scoffed again as he rolls his eyes.

“Hey, Aoi. Enough. Ruki? What’s wrong? Why are you so mad?” Kai finally interrupts.

“… Nothing. I’m sorry” He muttered. Kai sighed. “It’s okay Ruki. Anything you want to tell us?” Kai smiles softly as he caress the smaller guy’s hand, only to be answered with a shook of his head. “Are you sure?” He asks again. “No, it’s…

“Are you guys done? Let’s go now we have a lot to do.” They’re suddenly interrupted by someone. The taller, muscular, his black short hair slicked back, face shaved cleanly and looks smart with a black coat staring at five of them. To be exact, at Ruki. Reita quickly untangled himself from Ruki, as the smaller guy also softly pushes his friend with apologetic look on his face. “Quick.” The command from the manager was short but enough to make the 5 guys quickly raise up, picking up their stuffs and move. Ruki is the last. As he walks past the guy, he grabs the smaller guy’s wrist and hold it tightly made him gasps. Unable to keep his eyes towards the taller guy, he just simply stares at the floor.

“What did I told you about sitting closely with other, babe?”

Ruki gulps. Slowly he turns his eyes towards the other, trying to fake a smile. “N..no.. Reita, he didn’t do anything, we’re just…” He gasps and squirms as he hold tightened. “Ryo, its hurt. I’m sorry” He tries to entangle himself only to hiss lightly as the other grab him harshly and pulled the other towards himself. “If I ever see it again…”

“Yes… I promise.” Ruki stares at the floor as he close his eyes. The other nods and smirks. He raise his finger to place it on Ruki’s chin, raising his face. He stares into the other’s scared eyes with a sharp look. “You better be”. He then caress the other’s cheek and smiles. “Let’s go now baby. We’re pretty sure we don’t wanna leave them behind, right?” Ryo chuckles as he stresses the word ‘leave’. Ruki nods weakly and quickly made his way towards his band member.

“Ruki? Are you okay?” Uruha asks the smaller guy as they went into the van. Ruki nods lightly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” He startles a bit when Reita pokes him from behind. “Come on, what’s wrong?” Ruki grinned towards the other. “No. really. Nothing.” He turned to Aoi. “Hey. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I promised. It just… I don’t like people touching my hair.” Aoi huffs. “You can tell me that, I’ll understand. Do you really have to snap like that?” Ruki pouts. “I know… It was my fault. I’m sorry okay?” Ruki smiles sweetly. “Okay then!” Aoi grins as he suddenly pinch Ruki’s nose. Ruki grunts but giggles as all of the members laugh happily.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyo finally meets Ruki. But....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter I'm sorry. I promise i'll write better :D  
> Happy reading!  
> English is not my first language :)

Dir En Grey arrived at the Music Show venue because they had interview session right after their performance. As soon as they’re getting out from their tour van. Another tour van appear. Five of them stares at the black van as the door slowly opened up, Ryo got out first. Then another younger band members follow.

“Ah… look who we have here. The legendary Dir En Grey” Ryo smiles while reaching out his hand. Kaoru grabs it first, followed by Toshiya, Die, Shinya and finally Kyo.

Ruki stops his movement as he quickly turned his face towards the older band. Or Kyo. The familiar face he used to love. The face he missed the most and hate at the same time. The only reason he had come this far. His eyebrows twitched as Kyo’s eyes suddenly move to stare at him, only to be answered by his cold stare. Aoi jogs towards Die as both of them hugs and greetings each other, while Reita, Uruha and Kai follows Ryo to greet all of them.

“Oh, hey! Ruki! Come here!” Kai waves his hand towards the smaller guy, interrupts him from his stare. Slowly he made a step towards Kai. “This is our vocalist, Ruki.”Kai introduces. Kyo smiles softly as he looks into the other’s eyes. “It’s nice to meet you.” He bows politely as Ruki just doesn’t stop his cold stare. They remain silent as Kyo also stares at the other. Looking confused. Reita look at both of them before laughs nervously. “Uh… eheh.. Ruki-chan loves you guys so much. Especially Kyo-san, you’re his inspiration” Reita pats Ruki’s shoulder while Kyo smiles,"Thank you. I appreciate that." Hand held out for Ruki, only to be swat harshly by the younger guy. kyo smiles turn into a frown,but his stare never leave that pretty face. Suddenly the atmosphere tensed. Even Ryo stares at Ruki.

“Who says?” Ruki replied coldly.

“I hate you.” Ruki scoffs. “I fucking hate you.” He continues. “We’re here to dethrone you. We’ll fucking destroy you.”

“Ruki! What the fuck?!” Aoi snapped. Ruki turns his cold eyes towards Aoi before then quickly stomp inside the building. Kai gaped at that, before bows politely towards Kyo. “We’re deeply sorry for that kind of behaviour. I don’t know what happened.” The smaller guy smiles bitterly and waves his hand towards Kai. “It’s…okay.” Ryo stepped in front of them. “No. Whatever it is, his action is inappropriate. I’ll making sure to tell him that.” Kyo shook his head. “It’s okay Mr. Ryo. I understand…”

Die and Toshiya gaped at that. Really? Kyo doesn’t get mad? Kaoru also scratches the back of his head watching that. While Shinya just stares silently at Ruki’s back, before changes his sympathy view towards Kyo. As soon as Ryo and the other gazette members bow apologetically and made their way inside the building, Toshiya nudge Kyo’s back. “Yo. Wtf happened?” Shinya quickly made his way next to Kyo when the shorter guy doesn’t look interested to answer. “Let’s go, shall we? We’re late.” Shinya squeeze Kyo’s hand softly as the guy next to him close his eyes and inhales deeply. Toshiya was about to ask again when Kyo turn toward him with his usual murderous look. “Shut up!” He growls before stomping inside, leaving confused Kaoru, Toshiya and Die. Shinya made a 'don't ask him anything' sign to the 3 confused guy before follows his best friend right after.

…………..

“Ruki! Ruki, wait!” Kai grab the smaller guy’s hand, quickly being snatched by the furious guy. “Ruki why did you do that!?” Reita stand next to his leader, which nodding his head agreeing. “Why not!?” Ruki snaps. 

“No. it’s not wrong. Unless you really want your band to be under the drain” The cold voice behind him startled Ruki. He turned around hesitantly, staring at Ryo’s cold eyes. The other remains silent. Ryo look up at other band members, and did a gestures with his hand for them to go to their waiting room first. After making sure the other had left, he grabs the other’s forearm. “Follow me.” The hold tighten as Ruki whimpers. “Ryo… where are we going?” The taller guy scoffs and his eyes darkened.

“Silence. and come.”

……………….

They wait patiently until Ruki finally appear. His face paled, eyes look wet and puff and his nose reddened. Uruha rushes next to him and hold the smaller body. “Ruki are you okay?” The other nodded weakly. “No it’s not. What happened? What did he said?” Uruha demanded. Ruki moves away. “Nothing! He just scold me and ask me to apologize that’s all.” Kai huffs as he also stand next to Ruki. “Ruki, you need to look at yourself. Why would you do that? Look what happened? Of course Ryo will get mad. You cost our reputation…” Reita stands to stop Kai. “Kai.” Reita stops as Ruki finally bows. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again I promise.” They smile at that. But deep inside they’re wonder what happened to Ruki. Is Ryo being too harsh? Because as they remember Ruki is not a crybaby. But they just left it unanswered as Ryo appears to remind them that their interview session will start at any moment.

Soon after the session ended, Ruki made his way towards the back of the building to smoke. There’s too much happening around, which he finally meet Kyo again, and how feels the fire of rage burned inside his head. The hatred, the revenge, the pledge he had made right after that bastard leave his ass behind. As he reaches, Kyo was already there finishing his cigarette. He turns around to leave but stopped as he saw Ruki. Ruki rolls his eyes as he moves past him. “Hey…” Kyo grabs his forearm, but Ruki quickly pulls. “Don’t touch me.” Kyo sigh as he held his hand up in the air.

“Okay… okay... I won’t” He calmly brush his blond hair off his face, staring at the younger. “How are you?” Ruki chuckles bitterly. “Oh, I’m perfectly fine. Can’t you see?” Kyo nods while forcing a smile. “I see… I’m glad” Ruki scoffs “Listen Kyo. I was apologizing earlier because my manager asks me to. I mean it, I really really hate you right now. You know that? I hate you so much I can’t even stand looking at you, you scumbag! You fucking liar!”

“Taka, I know you’re really mad at me right now…

“Don’t call me that!” Ruki yelled. Kyo sigh. “Okay… okay… Ruki, I know how it feels, just please listen to me.” Kyo tries to persuade his ex-lover so that he listens. The younger singer huffs as he fold his arm. “What is it that I need to listen? Because as far as I know, we’re completely done.”

“Ruki, I know. It was my fault. But I really want to talk to you the last time when I told you I’ll wait for you. But you never came! You have no idea how wronged I feel back then, that I wish I could turn back time just to tell you properly how much I love you…” Kyo tries again and again to persuade Ruki to listen to him. He needs to clear the air between them. Ruki scoffs as he clicks his tongue. “I don’t need to hear anything from you, Kyo. We’re done. It’s already gone. I don’t want to hear anything anymore because I thought you’re already made it clear. So no, Kyo. You don’t have to tell me anything. Congratulations because you did so well. That’s what you want right? I am nothing but a burden to you, so you fucking left me.” Kyo shooks his head. “Ruki, No. It was never like that,”

Ruki cut him before he even finished “No? Kyo! Shut up! You said it! Remember? You said I was just a kid, I know nothing! I am a barrier between you and your dream. That’s why you left me. So thank you for saying that you still care for me. But I don’t trust you. After all these years? You have the nerve to say that straight to my face! It’s too late Kyo. Besides...” He paused as he stares blankly onto the soil-stained white wall in front of him. “… I have Ryo. So we’re done. If he saw us he’ll mad. So please go now.”

Kyo’s face changed as he heard that. So that guy really forget him. It’s understandable. No one would wait someone that leave their ass behind for 8 years. His could feel his heart is already crushed by the younger’s words. “Please. Now.” Ruki’s face changes now. His voice soften, keeping his stern and hard look but there’s trace of fear and … sadness. His voice trembling and Kyo could hear a fear in his voice. Hesitating at first, but then finally Kyo turns around and made a slow step towards the front.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks war

_"I wish I could turn back time just to tell you properly how much I love you…"_

  
Ruki stares at the scenery outside as the bus moves swiftly along the road. The beat of 'I for you' by Luna Sea echoes in his head as he listening silently with his headphone. Kyo's words mix around his head along with that song. Their favorite song. He remembers the older guy would always sing that song for him to sleep while caressing his soft hair. And he would always laid on his chest. He did remember the moment all too well. It was all perfect, why do they have to turn this way?

**  
**

***Flashbacks***

  
_"Nee… hontou wa dare mo…_  
_Nee, aisenai to iiwarete.._  
_Kowagari no kimi to deai…."_

_"Tooru!" Takanori swatted the older guy's chest as he yelps in pain. "What?" he laughs as he faked his pout. "Sing properly!" The younger guy puffed his cheeks, pretended to be angry. Tooru chuckled amused as he poked the soft cheeks as Taka groaned. "You sound like a duck" Taka huffs as he poked the other's chest._

_"What? Oh, now I'm hurt." He faked the hurt again and Taka giggled. Quickly he rose up a bit to peck on the other's lips. "Babe, you'll sound good if you don't make that voice. I love your singing but not with that duck voice" Kyo's laugh echoes as he rose up a bit and caress the younger male's hair. "Really? I hope you're not making that up just to make me feel good." Ruki smiles as he shook his head, rising up so that he could sit on him._

_"Why would I? It's true. You're the best vocalist ever!" he claimed happily, throwing both his arms in the air. The guy underneath smirked as he pulled the other to lay on top of him, pecked on his forehead. "No, darling. You are the best vocalist." A loud sound of slap could be heard again along with the groan. "Don't do that. It's hurt" He caresses his own chest while his younger lover laughed. "That's for being naughty." But then a smirk carved on the other's lips._

_"Hmmm…." Tooru hummed, slowly reaching up. Softly he kissed, took a long sniff on the other's sweet curls as they tangled themselves on each other. Soft kisses exchanged for a moment before Taka giggled again and place his head against the other's chest again, closing his eyes._

_"Goodnight… Taka chan". The other answered with a hum as he tightens his hold._

_Their heartbeat synched as Kyo throws his arms around him as they drifted to sleep._

***End of Flashbacks***

Ruki huffs as he skips the song. A hand wrapped around his shoulder startled him. He stares at the guy sitting next to him, Ryo looks at him with a dark stare and smirk as he reaches out to pull the headphone around Ruki's head. "Do you have anything to tell me?" He asks as he moves closer to steal a kiss. As he reciprocates the kiss, Ruki smiles while shook his head softly. "Nothing."   
Ryo raised his eyebrows as the other quickly change his view right after he answered. "You're bothered" His exchanging tone made Ruki look at him again. "N... no. I'm just tired." He claimed as he scooted closer, finding heats. The older guy smirked as he wrapped his arm around the smaller figure. 

"Whatever. If you say so".   
______________

***Flashbacks***

_"Tooru, I'll go with you. I can quit if I had to." He tried to persuade his boyfriend, but the other shook his head._  
_"No! Taka. You can't do that! It's not that easy." Taka groaned. "It's okay. I want to go with you. Please…?" He gripped the other's sleeve only to be yanked by the other._  
_"Taka. You don't understand. It's hard. I'm going to be busy and I'm afraid I will not have time for you…. Listen. You're still young. You're smart, you have your own dream and I don't want you to give up because of me."_

_"No!" He objected. "I can still pursue my dream. With you! I need you to support me so I can carry on." Taka's voice started to tremble and his eyes turned red. Tooru closed his eyes as he inhales deeply. "Taka, honey. Won't you at least listen to me?" He started, slowly reaching to place his hands on the other's shoulder. "I'm afraid. It won't be as I wished. If I'm not successful I won't able to give you anything. I'm sorry. You have to stay here. You'll finish your study then I'll take you with me… you just have to wait a little bit longer to-"_

_"I don't want to wait! How many years? 3 years?! 4 years?!" Taka cut him out. "So what if it won't come as you wish? I wanted to be with you! We'll overcome that together…"_

_"It's easy for you to say that. It won't be as simple as that and you know it." Another groans as Tooru firmly rubs his temple._

_"I'll live with that. I can. We've been together for a while now and it's all good. You should know me better Tooru." The voice was quiet. The older man knew the other was staring at the floor._

_"Yeah, Taka. Of course. I'm doing this because I know you better." He stared at the other straight into his eyes as Takanori shoot his head upward. Stare at him with a stern look._

_"….What the fuck do you mean?"_

  
_"You're just a kid. You know nothing!"_

_  
_

_The kid opened his mouth just to close them again. A heavy gasp filled the room as a line of tears streaming down the younger's cheeks. A silent atmosphere was awkward as the eye-staring contest held for few minutes._

_  
_

_"……. Maybe we really need a break..."_

_  
_

***End of Flashbacks***

  
"Oi..." 

Kyo startled as someone nudge him from his side. Staring at the redhead annoyed, he scoffs. 

"What?"

Die grinned, swiftly placing his arm around the smaller guy. The irritated guy groaned and quickly moves away from the frowning redhead. "You've been dreaming the entire day. You don't even respond to Kao. What's up?" Kyo rolls his eyes. "Nothing's up"

"Are you even listening?" Kaoru butt in. The shorter guy stares at the leader dumbfounded. "Umm…" He then distracted by Toshiya's giggles behind him. "I think he can't get over the fact that the new band is being rude, but only towards him!" Kyo glares dagger at the other as he snaps. "What the fuck makes you think it's that?!" 

"Then what?" Kaoru once again butted in. He huffs harshly as he yanks his hair, frustrated. "Nothing. I'm just… tired. I guess." Die and Toshiya roll their eyes at that. "Pfftt.. yeah.. Yeah.. Same old shit. What are you? A 60 years old brat?" Before Kyo even able to snap back, Shinya smacks the two idiots with a rolled newspaper. 

"That's enough. Maybe Kyo's really tired. Give him some space." 

"Thank you so much, Shinya. Now fuck off, leave me alone." He claims as he absentmindedly throws himself onto the couch making pouting Die moves away, resting his arm over his eyes. 

"Whoah, Kyo. Do you really need to be that grumpy?" Kaoru knits his eyebrows, shushing frowning Toshiya away from Kyo, as he places his palm on top of the smaller guy's shoulder softly. "If you have any problem you can always talk to us." The look on the leader's face softens shows how he cares toward their vocalist. Kyo sighed, closing his eyes as he lays flat onto the couch. His arm place firmly on top of his face, covering his eyes from the lights. 

"I'm fine. I just need sleep." Kaoru sigh, defeated. "Fine. Ten minutes. Let me remind you we're in the middle of a meeting." Kyo groaned as he moves sideways, scoots closer towards the sofa. 

______________________

__11th December, 1995__

_"Um… Excuse me?"_  
_Puffing his cigarette Kyo turned toward the shy voice next to him. The sight he had stare at made his heart beats fast. Stood there, a slim, same height as him figure in a black knitted sweatshirt and black skinny jeans. Blond hair past his shoulder swayed freely touched by the wind. The pale rounded face, soft pouty lips smiles sweetly at him as he slicked his hair past his ear. Kyo feels like the time had stopped and everything went in slow motion as he stares at the beautiful guy in front of him. Had 5 minutes of rest after the team finalized setting up the instruments for Luna Sea performing is like a sweet escape for him. The cancer stick sits neatly in between his fingers as he smiles softly towards the person._

_"Yes?"_

_"Umm… Is this the place?" The same height, but smaller in shape guy hand out a piece of paper which seems like tickets towards him. Kyo stares at it before nod lightly. "Yes, the Luna Sea live. It's here. But it's not starting yet. You're 5 hours early. "Yeah, I know… I mean, I supposed to meet someone here…I think I've been here for two hours and he's not here yet. I thought I might come to the wrong place." The stranger explained. Kyo takes on his last puff of cigarette before killing the lit on the bin next to him. "Gimme that. Let me see"_

_"Uh... Ok" He was hesitant at first, but then quickly place two pairs of tickets as soon as Kyo held out his hand. Taking a few seconds to read the details, he then hummed. "This is the correct place though. Are you sure he promised to meet here?" He asked again as the other innocently nodded so fast that his soft hair bounced. "He said he really wants to see this band with me so I bought them." Kyo gagged at that. "Oh? Did you buy them? For him? Let me guess, you didn't even know the band" There's a tint of blush on the other's cheeks as he played with the hem of his shirt. What the fuck is going on, he thought. But then he just shook his head softly before continuing. "It's fine. I insisted. Considering his birthday is next Monday. We're going to have dinner first so that's why he asked me to be early."_

_"Have you called him?" Came the short question._

_"I have, he didn't answer"_  
_….._

_Kyo had that longer stare at the kid. Such an innocent kid, getting screwed by his own peer. Why kids nowadays are so fucking brat?_

_"Hey." He called as the other already half away from him after he quietly bowed, thanking him during his staring moment. The latter made a quick turn towards him. His eyes are bigger, staring at Kyo and his lips parted a little bit._

_"I think he won't come anyway."_

_"Hmm?" The confusion from the kid is genuine._

_"Don't you get it? He lied to you."_

*************************

Kyo woke up from his '10-minutes' nap with a heavy feeling inside. He doesn't sure how to describe it, but the flashback he's having while he's asleep made his whole body aches and tiring. Sat upon the same couch, he rubs his face with both of his hands with heavy huffs. 

"Feeling better?"

Startled by the sudden voice, he jumps up a bit from the couch. The said voice chuckles amusedly, sitting cross-legged on top of the coffee table, hands folded around his chest neatly.   
"Fuck, Shinya. Don't startle me like that." Kyo rubs his chest soothingly, as he finally takes time to look around just to found out it was only the two of them. Slowly reaching for his cigarette, takes out one of the stick and firmly place it between his lips. As he reaches again for his lighter, his tired voice echoes. "Where's everyone?" 

"Home." Comes the short answer. "Huh?" He turns his tired eyes towards the window on his left.   
"It's 3:00 am. You sure had a very nice sleep huh?" Shinya pats the other's shoulder softly before moving around to pick his bag and car keys. "I'm heading home. Make sure you left everything locked." Kyo shrugs, taking a large inhale of the nicotine while settles himself comfortably on the sofa. Closing his eyes. 

"Fine…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi..  
> I'm. trying my best. lol.  
> This is kinda hard for me since i'm not that good in english.  
> but I do hope you'll enjoy reading.  
> I'll accept some tips too if ya'll have :)  
> Happy reading~


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of you, I tried my hardest just to forget everything.  
> Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in.  
> Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
> 
> Because of you.... I am afraid...  
> .  
> Warning: contains violence part

The next day feels like shit. After waking up from his long nap, Kyo unable to sleep after that. The cold night air made him freshen his tired eyes as he rides through the loud city. Tokyo never sleeps, which made him quickly want to reach home to continue his rest. However as soon as he reach, he no longer can close his eyes. Thrashing around and changing position didn’t work. Ended up he stay up until the next morning.

Hot coffee in his left hand, while right hand busy fiddling with his phone as he tried to walk as fast as he could, avoiding everyone. Going straight to the recording booth sounds good until someone’s yanking his left arm, making him jerk and yelp in shock. Luckily the paper cup has lid on the top or Kyo would ended up in hospital. However, he couldn’t save his phone as that poor thing flew before settle down on the rug.

“What the fuck, Kao?” Kyo grimace as he squat down, reaching for his phone.

“Well, good morning to you too...” The older guy answers calmly.

Kyo murmurs something that is not clear, probably greetings the leader ‘good morning’, but it’s incoherent and doesn’t rhymes with ‘morning’. Or he may be politely asks him to fuck off. But Kaoru doesn’t take it too personal as he’s changing his question; “Well, I thought you had your so called 10 minutes nap so well yesterday, even talking in your sleep. How dare you come this morning just to show me you tight face and grumpy behaviour?” He tried his best not to pay attention, but there’s line that caught his attention as he could sense there are two idiots staring at him and try to muffle their laugh from the corner of his eyes.

“I… talk in my sleep?” He asks dumbfounded. Kaoru sighs. “Doesn’t matter. We had tons to do today so don’t be bothered. Go and get ready. Hey, both of you. Shut up too and get your asses up” He points towards Die and Toshiya before made his way to recording booth.

Kyo stared at the other two as they covering their mouth with hands, a bad attempt to joke around that no mood guy as both of them strolling after Kaoru. Kyo sighs as he finally moves, looking for Shinya. What the fuck did I just talk in my sleep? Why would those idiots act like that? He thought.

“Hey, Shin.” Softly pats his friend’s shoulder, he then proceed to carefully place his phone on the small table in front of them and throwing himself on the sofa. Shinya greet him with a nod while his hands drumming him thighs, trying to find the rhythm. Kyo took a sip of his coffee, feeling the bitter taste of the drink before proceeding. “Um… you were with me last night until I woke up right?” He starts the conversation. The younger guy stops whatever he did and turn towards the shorter guy. He just remains silent but slightly nods his head, answering the question. Kyo hesitate in the first place, it is a long silence before he then scratches the back of his head. “Did I said something last night… in my sleep?”

“You were.” The short response is quick, along with Kyo’s head snap towards the guy sitting next to him. "So not really over him, hm?" Kyo raises his eyebrow, and Shinya think he doesn’t have to wait for the other to answer. “You were calling for his name.” Kyo’s eyes turn wider at that. He knew exactly who Shinya was talking about. “Him… you mean, HIM?” The younger nods, made Kyo involuntarily rubs his temple, sigh heavily. “So all of you guys witnessing it.” He mumbles, and groan straight away as the other hums softly. No wonder those two were giggling like mad. “What else did I say?” It wasn’t enough. Kyo pretty sure that’s not the only thing he had said, considering only calling the name wouldn’t made Toshiya and Die act like that.

It was a minute of awkward silence.

“… Do you really wanna know?”

***************************

The sounds of the shutter clicking several times as Aoi did his best pose for their personal shoot. Uruha sat comfortably on the sofa, sipping on his cold beer while Reita talks with his stylist about changing his hair a little bit. Ruki stares blatantly at himself in front of the mirror, waiting for a group photoshoot. A sudden rough hand caress his shoulder made him jerk. He let out a soft sigh as he continues starring at the mirror silently. Chuckles could be heard as Ryo lowering himself so that his lips touches the other’s left ear, which he didn’t even budge.

“Too busy admiring yourself, never saw me coming huh?”

Ruki sigh softly as he then close his eyes. “What is it Ryo? I thought we agreed that being professional during photoshoot, interview or whatever is a part of work?” He tries to push his manager away softly but the taller, surely larger than him grip on his wrist tightly. “Oh? And what did I say about talking back at me?” Ruki stares at him, brows furrowing as he tries to escape from the grip that getting tighter. “Stop, you’re hurting me.” Without letting go, his manager quickly grip his jaw forcefully. Ruki gasps as he tried his best not to scream at that bastard, eyes closed real tight. “Open your eyes, Takanori. Look at yourself.” He then tighten his clench on the jaw to slightly tilt the smaller guy’s head. “Here, take a proper look at your friends.” His voice is full of venom and Ruki knew what comes next. Squirming in pain, Ruki hold the other’s grip. Silently begging for the other to loosen the grip.

“I said fucking open your eyes and look at your friends!” He was whispering but the tone were harsh and hateful. As Ruki slowly open his eyes, staring at the reflection of his friends behind him. Kai were joking around with Aoi at how ridiculous Reita posed and they laugh wholeheartedly, while Uruha staring at both of them with a smile on his face. He let out a soft whimpers and his eyes start to swell. “Now tell me, Ruki. Tell me again about the oath, that you had begged me back then, which you promised to be my bitch. There, you heard me? You are nothing but my dog. Remember?” Ruki nods quickly at that. “Good. Now tell me, what will cause if you dare breaking your own pledge.” Ryo smirks while spitting those words to Ruki. Of course he remember that very well. The reason they could be pushed to be recognize by media in such a short period.

“I… I’m sorry.” Ruki almost whispers as a thin line of tears streaming down his face. “What is it Honey, I can’t hear you.” He tighten the grip, there might be a mark. Ruki close his eyes, gritting his teeth as he tries to withstand the pain. “I’m sorry, Ryo” His voice firm this time. The manager let out a satisfied chuckles as he finally letting go. His lips still caressing Ruki’s ear as he lightly bite the ear shell. “Good. See you tonight.” Finally straighten up his figure, pats the other’s bruised cheek before reaching for a foundation on the table, throwing carelessly in front of Ruki. “Cover that, your turn is next.” As he ended the conversation and walk away, the smaller guy stand from his seat and walk towards the restroom. Kai’s voice echoing the hall, calling for his name. Without even looking at them, he just shouts ‘toilet’ shortly. Upon arriving, he quickly swung the door shut before sliding down the floor. Trying his best to muffles the sob, he cup his face with both of his hands, shuddering heavily as he’s unable to hold the warm lining of tears from streaming down his face.

Kyo was right. It was never easy, Ruki thought. The first three months was horrible when they first forming a band. Performing and promoting in a small live houses, they had to struggle among other new bands. Upon hearing about Dir En Grey enormous success, plus knowing who the frontman was, Ruki had determined to quit his study. He was mad. The guy never looking for him back, as he promised. So he quit, successfully persuading his best friend Reita and Uruha to move out to Tokyo. There, he met Aoi at live house and Aoi introduced them to Kai. They had been to several free live houses for almost a year but it wasn’t that easy. No income, sleeping in Aoi’s old car and eating cheap lunches kinda giving Ruki a culture shock. As he experiencing the poverty he’s close to giving up when suddenly Ryo approached him. He was a music producer and Ruki couldn’t be happier. However it wasn’t that easy either. That’s where he had to sacrifice himself and sign up an oath as Ryo had reminding him, so that’s where he is now, screwed and fucked up.

After almost half an hour of breaking down, Kai had knocked asking if he’s alright. Straightened up himself and tries his best to hide any evidence of tears as he could, he get out with a sorry smile on his face and assured the band leader that he was having a stomach ache. Kai knew right away that something was wrong. The vocalist had flushed red face and his eyes were watery, but he choose not to ask anything. Probably the vocalist had no intention to explain and he respected that, even though he did ask several time if he’s alright.

The photoshoot ended earlier than they thought.

“Hey, I heard there’s bar nearby that serves good drinks.” Aoi butt in. Uruha quickly snapped his head towards the other guitarist as his eyes shine in excitement. “Oh? Let’s go then! Let’s celebrate this photoshoot session shall we?” the wide smiles they exchange just show how happy they were. And that’s literally breaking Ruki’s heart apart. Five of them turn their view towards their manager as the guy clearing his throat. “You guys go ahead. Ruki is tired, so we’re heading home.” He smiles sweetly to the members but Ruki knew it meant to be dangerous. Reita stares at Ruki, his face did shows that he was tired, but it also shows that he was devastated, and kinda sad. “Ruki are you okay?” He softly pats the smaller guy on the shoulder as the other flinch. The bassist frowns and quickly retreats his hand. The other four also watch awkwardly. “It’s fine. Go ahead, I’m just gonna rest.” The voice is quiet, and hesitant. But as soon as he said that he quickly made his way towards his boyfriend. Placing his arm firmly around Ruki’s shoulder, Ryo grins towards the other four. “Very well, then. Enjoy guys.” Four of them watching awkwardly and both of them retreats and walking towards their manager’s car.

“I had a feeling that Ruki didn’t even like that asshole” Uruha muttered. “Oih! What do you mean? He’s our manager” Aoi raises his eyebrows. Uruha rolled his eyes _. ‘I’ve seen what he did to Ruki’_ , he intended to say that. He knew the other won’t believe it. Ryo was very nice towards them, it was all bullshit. He knew there’s something Ruki hide from them. Kai suddenly step up too, lightly slap him on the head. “You idiot why did you call him asshole? He’s managing us. I like the way he’s working on us.”

“Ugh! Shut up! Let’s just go I need some alcohol.” Quickly he walk away. Talking with them is a waste of time. Those dumb fuckers won’t understand anyway. Talking without proof would also cause a fight so he don’t want to jump for that. He needs Ruki to come clean with them. That’s the only way.

******

Ruki grips onto the sheets tightly that his knuckles turn white. Biting on the same sheets he tries his best not to scream as Ryo rammed into him raw. He could feel the streak of blood lining along his thigh, eyes teary wetting the sheets beneath him. Sudden hard thrust made him jerk and accidentally letting out a scream. Trying his best to muffles as he buries his face deep into the bed, Ryo yanks his hair, turning him to sitting position and firmly choke him with his right hand. “Have I told you not to scream?” Ruki sobs violently as the other keep ramming inside, choke on his own saliva he held onto the others hand, trying to loosen the grip only to be tighten, blocking the oxygen from filling up his lungs. “…R…Ryo..P...please.. ugh!.I’m sorry.” The monster laughs evilly while harshly push the other head that he violently fell face first. Yank out his dick from the other’s body he turns Ruki around, yanking his hair and spit on his face.

“I can’t hear you bitch.”

Ruki choked a sob “…I’m sorry...”

“Louder!”

“I’m sorry!”

Satisfied grin plasters on his face and he hold his dick near to the other’s face. It’s smeared with blood, but Ruki knew whatever he beg, the guy won’t listen. “Suck” He ordered. Hesitantly he rose to positioned himself, a soon as he’s on kneeling position the guy harshly shove that bloodied dick onto Ruki’s mouth. He tries his best not to gag and continue to suck. The metallic taste and smell make Ruki want to puke. He ended up gagging and spit on the bed. Eyes grow wider, he quickly wiping his mouth and turns to the guy. “Wait, Ryo I’m…”

He couldn’t continue as a hard slap plants on his right cheek. He grabs the smaller guy by the wrist to punch him on the face. The scream echoes throughout the room, Ruki hold onto his face and sobbing heavily. A few minutes of torture, punches and chokes continues for a while before Ryo then turn him around, face plants flat on the bed and continue ramming into him, faster and harsh denying the one beneath him screaming and begging him to stop. As he finally release, he let go of him and the smaller guy cowers underneath the sheets.

Without saying anything, the bigger guy proceeding himself to the bathroom, leaving the muffles sob alone, which last for a few minutes before the room then become quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
